GX Camping Trip
by Kaiseress
Summary: A violent Zane? A pyromaniac Chazz? A dumber even than usual Atticus? A crazed authoress in the story with her also crazed friend? Sounds like a crackfic to me! Slight ZaneOC,slight ChazzOC. The romance is not a big part.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, peoples! It's Kaiseress, and this here is my first ever crackfic to be published on this site! Basically, the gang goes on a camping trip, with me and my bestest crazy pal Daphne, and here's how the people act:

Atticus: is Atticus. I don't need to make him any dumber than he already is.

Chazz: is a Spazz-head. Nuff said.

Zane: is violent. Very violent. Especially with Chazz and Atticus because they are idiots and they get on the Kaiser's nerves.

Alexis: is just kind of there. Will probably beat Atticus with a stick once or twice.

Syrus: again, just kind of there, unless he's a victim of someone's insanity.

Jasmine: only here to justify calling Atticus a hypocrite. No real purpose.

Emma/Me: I'm insane, remember? And Zane's girlfriend.

Daphne: is crazy like a fox. That's kind of a joke because I swear, that girl is the biggest Kurama fan on the planet. Oh, and she's Chazzy's girlfriend in this one.

I am not using season 2 character for one simple reason: most of them piss me off. Anyway, on with the crack!

**Disclaimer: Kaiseress does not own GX. If she did, she would be _in_ GX, and then the world would be beyond all help. That is all.**

GX Camping Trip

Subtitle: The Most Idiotic and Destructive Idea That Ever Entered Atticus's Tiny Brain

Chapter 1 

"Remind me again why I'm trekking through uncharted wilderness and getting eaten to death by mosquitoes," an irritable Chazz complained.

"Because we're on a camping trip, Chazzy, and you refused to put on bug spray!" the overenthusiastic elder of the Rhodes siblings said cheerfully. The youngest Princeton brother continued madly scratching at various bug bites.

"Come on Chazz, it'll be fun!" said Jaden Yuki in that insanely hyper voice of his. "A whole week with all our old pals from Duel Academy! What could be better?" the idiot asked as Chazz twitched violently.

"How about sleeping on a bed of nails, being forced to eat roadkill, getting lockjaw from aforementioned nails, getting food poisoning from aforementioned roadkill, and falling into a raging fire," Chazz suggested.

"Wow, Chazz, I didn't know you knew what 'aforementioned' meant," said Zane Truesdale with bored incredulity. "I wonder, could you spell that for us?"

"Watch it, emo-boy," Chazz snapped.

"Do you want me to hurt you?" Zane asked flatly. "Because if you have a death wish, by all means keep talking to me like that. I don't care how pathetic you are; I _will_ hurt you very badly."

"Come on, Zane, don't kill Chazz just yet," I said. "If you must, kill him _after _we set up camp. If you kill Spazz now, he can't carry the packs."

"Right. Later," he relented. I sighed.

"Atticus, why did you suggest this again?" I asked my insane friend.

"Because we need a few days to ourselves, to chat and catch up and remember old time and be crazy!" Atticus exclaimed happily. The entire party anime-sweatdropped.

"Dearest brother, it's times like this when I wish you were not conscious," his sister said sweetly, masking venom.

"I can do that," Zane offered.

"Zane…" I began warningly.

"Fine," he sulked, dropping the stick he had been prepared to beat Atticus with.

"WE'RE HEEEEEEEEEEERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Atticus screamed in a voice that would have made everyone's eardrums explode if we hadn't been used to Jaden's inhuman level of screechiness and the fact that Syrus sounded more like a girl than Alexis did.

"Atticus!" everyone yelled. "Shut the **CENSORED** up!!!" (What we actually screamed at the moron would make this a rated T fic. That might be a problem because I want at least some of my stuff to be kid-friendly.)

End Chapter 

Oh yes, I am quite nuts. Next time will be better, I promise. More crackfic-like. This was just to kind of set the scene. Push the button or I will sic Daphne on you and she _will_ eat you. Don't make the mistake I did. I still have the scars.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay, back with crack! No, I am not actually on crack. I don't need it. I GET HIGH OFF AIR!!!!! AND COFFEE!!! AND SUGAR!!! ON WITH THE INSANITY!

Ok, review responses:

**WhiteLadyDragon: **count on it, pal. Thanx for putting this in Brain Damage.

**XxSanda-Nekoxx:** no crap. Sorry, but I very much despise Aster, no offense to you. Sy's fine. Thanx. This chappie's better. And yes, Zane is violent.

Refer to previous chapter for info.

Chapter 2 

"Hey, Zane?" Atticus asked. "Why did you bring your girlfriend? I thought this was just the old crowd."

"You hypocrite; you wanted to bring Jasmine even though she told you no, and Chazz brought… well, Daphne dragged _him_ here more than he brought _her_, but still…"

"I'm in pain," Chazz said dazedly. I turned around in time to see Daphne throw away a stick and start whistling innocently.

"Did you just hit your boyfriend with a branch?" I asked cautiously.

"Whatever would give you that idea?" she asked, making innocent-chibi-eyes.

"Uhh…never mind," I said. "Never make those eyes again; they scare me."

Zane, meanwhile, was attempting to show Atticus and Jaden how to set up a tent while Atticus attempted to fence Jaden with a tent pole. The latter of the two had just been concussed with said tent pole. Three seconds later, Zane concussed Atticus with selfsame metal object and proceeded to set up the tent himself.

"Why did I even try?" he muttered to himself.

Chazz proceeded to spin rapidly in circles, banging his head into every tree he passed and singing something in French. Loud French.

"Chazz knows French?" I asked, confused.

"No," Daphne replied, equally baffled. "No he doesn't. I think he may be brain-damaged."

"Well whose fault is that?"

Alexis, Syrus, Daphne and I watched the chaos. The brain-damaged Spazz continued singing what was now recognizable as "Do You Know the Muffin Man?" but still in French, until Zane got sick of it after the 437th time and whacked Chazz with the fire extinguisher that had suddenly appeared out of thin air.

"That," Zane said, "is highly enjoyable, even for me." Daphne decided that now was the time to poke Chazz with a stick.

"FROMAGE!!!" Chazz suddenly screeched, then flopped on the ground with his face in a mud puddle.

"Did he just scream 'cheese' in French?" Zane asked me.

"I think so. That's one of the few French words my dad taught me. How did you know?" I inquired.

"I picked up some French when my parents took us. Probably what I remember best is Mom trying to feed a five-year-old Syrus snails. They gave up with me when I threw one at Dad's head. Anyway, yeah, that's how I knew what that meant." My brain had stopped working after the fourth sentence.

"_You_ threw a _snail_ at your dad's head?" I asked incredulously.

"Is there a problem with that? I didn't want to eat snails, thank you very much," he said.

"Uhh… I guess not," I admitted. "You just don't really seem the type to chuck crustaceans at your father."

"Hey, I was seven, okay?" Zane protested.

"Fine. Did you get the tents set up?"

"Oui, ma cherie."

"Stop that. Speak English, will you? You're hard enough to understand in my native tongue," I complained. I knew what it meant, but seriously, would it kill Zane to talk normally for once in his life?

"Yes. That comprehensible to you?"

"GAAH! You're doing it again! I mean, yes, I know what 'comprehensible' means, but it's hardly part of your average dialect!"

"You do it too. Dialect? And crustacean? Since when are those part of daily conversation? I mean, to someone like Chazz, it's almost as bad as phantasmagorical," Zane remarked casually, unaware (or was he?) that he had just reduced Jaden and Chazz's brains to ashes.

"BIG WORDS THEY BURN!!!!!!!!!!" Chazz shrieked, the use of big words snapping him out of his French streak. "Stop poking me!" he snapped at Daphne, who was still poking him with a stick.

"Never!" she cried, poking harder.

"Emma…" Zane began.

"What?"

"Atticus is on fire."

"Oh—wait, _what?!_"

"Atticus. Is. Flaming."

"_Why?_"

"I think he poked the propane cylinder with a tent pole. His hair is on fire."

Atticus was indeed on fire and running around like a madman, screaming his head off. Alexis was chasing him with a bucket of ice water.

"Pretty colors," said Chazz, pointing at Atticus's flaming head.

"Okay…" I said. "I suppose asking either of them to help build the campfire is a bad idea."

"You think?" Syrus asked. "I'll help."

"Can you be trusted with fire?" I asked skeptically.

"More than Atticus or Chazz," Zane said.

"Not comforting. Anyone can be trusted more than Chazz or Atticus."

"Syrus can be trusted with fire. Not a pyro. He couldn't be. Mom and Dad could _not_ be trusted with fire."

"Can _you_? Just need to make sure that the one thing weird about you isn't a fixation with great leaping flames. I mean, I'm a pyro, but I'm somewhat controlled. You are, right?" I asked tentatively.

"Yes, Emma. I like fire, sure, but I'm not about to burn the forest down and laugh like an idiot about it. That's Chazz's thing."

"Good. You guys make a fire, I'll help Alexis put her brother out. And stop Chazz from eating that squirrel."

Chazz was indeed attempting to capture a squirrel. A rabid squirrel. Daphne, seeing said squirrel (ALLITERATION POLICE!), picked up the fleeing rodent and flung it at Chazz's head, where it scrambled madly, screeched, and savaged the poor spaz's face.

By working together and cornering Atticus, Alexis and I managed to dump the bucket of ice water on him and shut him up. Alexis proceeded to beat the crap out of her brother to release stress.

And Jaden tried to hug the squirrel currently attacking Chazz's head. Needless to say, both squirrel and spaz attacked the boy in red, who was rescued by a very peeved Alexis.

End Chapter 

Check in for chappie 3! How'd you like this one? Review or Daphne shall eat you. Or Meagan will give you to the monkey who will take you to China. Don't ask. By the way, I borrowed Alliteration Police and "Big words they burn!" from Shrilanka-san, author of Those Crazy Obelisks. Don't hurt me.


	3. Chapter 3

Well, Camping Trip's back! Sorry if I kept you waiting. Ok, to thank the reviewers:

**StarJen:** wow, I didn't think it was _that_ funny. Thanx. This one might not be as good though. And this fic won't last long; it's just a side project because I have block on my other stuff.

**WhiteLadyDragon:** mine did that a long time ago.

**Me:** yeah, I know who you are. And NONONONONONONO!!!!!!

**The Pokenator:** okaaay… Daffy, did you forget your antipsychotics this morning?

**phoenix.kitty:** no, no, if anything that's mild insanity. If you read Daphne's Chazzfic, it will get worse. She hasn't told me her username; I'll ask her. She might not put that one up anyway; it's a little…naughty. T at least, if you're being _really_ lenient. More like M, really.

**Disclaimer: Kaiseress does not own GX or the random House-inspired quote in this chapter.**

Chapter 3 

_I am the only sane person in this party_, Zane thought as he watched Jaden get savaged by Chazz and a squirrel, and Chazz being savaged by Alexis. Meanwhile, the squirrel was making a nest in Chazz's hair. _How that little thing manages that without being stabbed to death, no one knows._ Syrus tapped his older brother on the shoulder.

"Zane? I got the tinder set up. Don't you have the matches?" the younger Truesdale asked.

"Oh, right." Zane struck a match, which instantly attracted the attention of Chazz. The black-haired boy ran over and started staring blankly into the tiny flame.

"Pretty," he said stupidly.

"Can I help you?" Zane asked, annoyed.

"Pretty colors," Chazz repeated, pointing at the fire and accidentally sticking his hand into it. For a moment, nothing happened. Then—

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" Chazz shrieked, pulling his hand out of the fire just as Zane flicked a lit match at his head. The squirrel chattered nervously as its host's hair went up in flames.

Chazz proceeded to run around like a complete numbskull, which, wait a second, he was, so that was entirely pointless to say and that advancement toward the authoress getting CTS was completely without purpose. Zane rolled his eyes and continued building up the fire. The squirrel decided to migrate to Syrus's head, where it quickly burrowed out of sight. Alexis and I, meanwhile, chased Chazz with the bucket of water while Daphne attempted to tackle aforementioned flaming idiot.

Atticus began poking Zane. Hard. And without stopping. Needless to say, this was starting to tick Zane off.

"What, Atticus?" he snapped after a large spiky club, two hundred and fifty-three tranquilizers, and three eighteen-ton weights failed to make Atticus stop poking him.

"Can I have a cookie?" Atticus asked stupidly. Zane began banging his head on the nearest tree.

"Uhh, Zane?" I asked. "Problem?"

"Shoot me. I'm surrounded by idiots." I patted him on the shoulder.

"Sorry, Zane," I said. "It's okay. Anything I can do besides what you just suggested by any chance?"

"I don't know," he said unhappily. "My hopelessly moronic friend won't stop poking me and asking for cookies, my brother just might set the forest on fire, and Chazz keeps screaming and setting _himself_ on fire. I'm going insane." Just to prove his point, he hit his head on the tree again.

"Zane, stop that. You'll give yourself a concussion. And anyway, it's almost time to turn in. At least we'll be able to sleep," I said. Thankfully, we had somehow managed to set up separate tents, so we wouldn't have to share with anyone besides each other. I swear, if Zane and I had had to share a tent with them, we both would have gone insa—well, _more_ insane.

Oh, and Syrus was on fire.

Zane tried and failed to tune out the world, then resumed giving himself a concussion in an attempt to escape the insanity that pervaded the very air around the campsite. Finally, once we realized that the insanity would not end, we just went to our tent. Zane ejected a small badger from his sleeping bag and relocated the creature to Chazz's, then returned and once again attempted to tune out the random screeches of a certain Princeton outside.

"Hey, does anyone know who put that badger in my sleeping bag?" Chazz asked in the morning. "It bit my feet."

"I don't know," I said innocently, shooting Zane a mischievous look. "I didn't even look in _my_ sleeping bag."

"Jeez, do you two sleep together?" Atticus demanded.

"No!" Zane and I said hastily.

"Double negative; it's a yes," the elder Rhodes said.

"I'm taking a shower," I said. "See you later, say maybe in half an hour. I found this awesome hot spring yesterday." I tried to alert Zane as subtly as possible.

"God, you _shower_ together?" Daphne asked.

"No!"

"Another double negative. Yes again," said Atticus.

"Shut up Atticus," I snapped irritably. "I know for a fact that you shower with Jaz. She told me; no denying it. And as for _you_, Daphne…I won't go there."

End Chapter 

I know, it was weird. I may have to change this to a rated T fic. Darn it, I was hoping to avoid that. Those of you who watch House will know where that last bit of weirdness came from.


	4. FPDCNfurryprojectiledriveschazznuts

Camping Trip back with crack! And no, again, I do not have OR _need _crack. Review thankies:

**WhiteLadyDragon:** I have no idea; I got it from House. And no, you're fine.

**Alicia:** don't ruin the fun for the other reviewers! They don't know about that yet!

Chapter 4

"Oh man, what are we going to do with them?" Zane asked me, walking back toward camp. Distinct screams in a familiar nasally and annoying voice issued from the site. "There goes Chazz. Again."

"Oh yeah, I'm going to know what to do with _Chazz Princeton_," I said sarcastically. "I dunno, ask Daphne to put a foot in its mouth," I emphasized the "it" purposely.

"Yeah, I don't suppose Chazz counts as a human, does it? Does anyone know, really?"

"Can't be sure about anything, Zane," I said almost cheerfully. "Who knows, maybe I'm a vampire, right?"

"Right," he replied slowly. "Wait, what the hell?"

Chazz spotted us.

"HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" it screamed. "DOYOUHAVEPRETTYCOLORFIRESTUFFS?"

"Chazz, I saw the most perfect tutorial on a shirt for you. It said: Open mouth; insert foot. Please comply with the wisdom of the shirt," Zane said.

"CAN I HAVE PRETTYCOLORFIRESTUFFS THEN!?"

"FINE!" Zane yelled, "JUST SHUT THE HELL UP!" Chazz promptly attempted to literally stuff his foot into his mouth. I promptly anime-sweatdropped.

"Oh God," I said. "Zane, cut it out!" I pulled him away from the tree that he was once again attempting to concuss himself with. "Jeez, do you have something against brain-cells this week?"

"No. I have something against being conscious and within a mile radius of Chazz on a sugar high trying to get 'prettycolorfirestuffs'," Zane said. "Oh, holy…he actually got his foot stuck in his mouth."

Yet again, Zane was correct; Chazz's foot was lodged firmly in his mouth, a fact verified by the copious amount of muffled profanity issuing from aforementioned piehole.

"Fmffk!!!" Chazz yelled. "Stupmfff ffft stff imma muf! Fmffk!!!" which I translated from foot-muffled Chazz-ese to "Fuck! Stupid foot stuck in my mouth! Fuck!"

While Daphne attempted to remove Chazz's foot from his mouth, the squirrel, which had until this point been hiding on Syrus's head, migrated back to Chazz, who promptly flung it at Atticus who threw it at Syrus who threw it at Alexis who threw it back at Chazz, hitting him squarely in the face. Chazz then attempted to throw it at Zane, only to have the little creature stop an inch from the latter's face and speed with impossible velocity back at the former, knocking him over with the squirrel now lodged in his mouth. Chazz spat violently, dislodged the fuzzy projectile, and saw a label on its back reading "ACME Boomerang Squirrel: warning; will return at 10x greater speed than thrown."

"I HATE THE WOODS!!!!" he screamed. "AND WHY THE HELL WOULD ANYONE MAKE BOOMERANG SQUIRRELS? _HOW_ DID THEY MAKE BOOMERANG SQUIRRELS? WHO BUYS THESE STUPID BOOMERANG SQUIRRELS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"

"Yeah, I think I should go now," Zane said.

"Wait, that was you?" I asked.

"Who else?"

"I _love_ you."

"I know. You've told me. Repeatedly."

End chapter

Okay, Alicia, happy? I put in your beloved boomerang squirrel. Review, peoples! And yeah, I think this is definitely T, don't you?


	5. Karma

And yet again, Camping Trip is back, and _I_ don't even know what I'm on, so there's no point asking!

Okay, all the reviews I got were from my insane friends, so I'll leave it at that.

Chapter 5: Karma is Fun (for me, not Chazz)

Zane was miserable. Again.

Atticus was incessantly asking for cookies, and Chazz was screaming for two specific reasons. The first was that he was still VERY pissed about the "Boomerang Squirrel" incident. Shockingly, Zane was getting no enjoyment from Chazz's pain. The second reason for Chazz's incessant screeching was that he was, yet again, on fire.

Yet again, I was shocked that Zane did not seem to enjoy the youngest Princeton's pain.

"Zane…" I started cautiously. "What's wrong?"

"Do I _really_ need to answer that question?" he asked, sounding irritated. "No, nothing's wrong."

"Zane, Chazz is in pain and you are not enjoying that pain. _What is wrong_?"

"Hn."

"You always enjoy Chazz in pain."

"Would you let it die?" he demanded.

"NO! I WILL NOT LET IT DIE! IF YOU DO NOT THINK CHAZZ'S PAIN IS AT LEAST MILDLY FUNNY, THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOU!" I yelled.

"There's nothing wrong but the fact that everyone here besides you and me is a complete raving lunatic!"

"What about Lex?" I asked.

"Okay, fine, her too," Zane admitted.

At that moment, Alexis started screaming loudly, pointing at a tree that seemed perfectly normal to my vision. Zane left a visible dent on the tree in front of him with his head.

"Zane, stop it! Jeez, what's your _problem _this week?"

"I am surrounded by lunatics! I thought we covered that!" he yelled. Chazz ran by, screaming insanely and with the squirrel perched on his head, chattering happily. Somehow, I had a feeling that it had something to do with the fire extinguisher held by a charred Syrus, Chazz was no longer flaming.

"Big bro?" the midget asked.

"WHAT?" Zane snapped.

"Eep! Sorry!" Sy squeaked. "I just wondered if you knew why—"

"I don't know why anything here is happening, okay? It's all crazy and most of it defies the laws of nature! Like I really care, but it's also noisy and incessant. That is driving me up the metaphorical wall, got it!?"

"I just wanted to know why you were trying to kill either the tree or yourself," the younger brother said.

"Refer to the previous!" yelled the elder. "Why are you holding a fire extinguisher and currently looking like you were recently on fire? Okay, the second question sort of answered the first, but where did you get that thing in the first place?"

"You concussed Chazz with it in chapter 2, remember?" Syrus squeaked again, intimidated by his brother's bad mood. "It kind of appeared out of thin air!"

"That's it, I'm complaining to the authoress."

"Zane, karma," I warned. "Remember Chazz? He insulted her before the story, and look what a mess he's in. The woman's brutal. Course, she is kinda _me_, but not exactly…I don't know, I don't get how the whole thing works, just that karma definitely plays into it when you insult the authoress."

"KASDHFLSKJDHFALSDJKFFAEUFHCNXV!!!!!!!!!" Chazz screamed.

"What the heck was that?" Zane asked, looking completely baffled for the first time since his eight-year-old mini-stalker had started with marriage talk.

"I dunno; the authoress still doesn't know," I said. "Wait, this just in, it means 'I'm a crazy monkey-thing with a stick shoved _very far_ up its butt' in some as yet unrecognized alien language. And yes, it is completely unpronounceable, making it entirely impossible to even mention anywhere but a fanfiction. See, Zane? Karma."

"Okay, nix the complaining," he reassessed. "Bad idea."

"Yes, Zane, bad idea."

"CHAZZ!" Daphne screamed suddenly, tackling aforementioned monkey-thing-with-a-stick-shoved-very-far-up-its-butt. "THERE'S A SKUNK EATING YOUR SOCKS!!!"

"DAMMIT!!! I HATE YOU, KAISERESS!" he yelled. A Volvo station wagon promptly fell on his head. "Owie," he whimpered from under the car. "Okay, I'll be good, let me out please…" The Volvo inexplicably vanished and Chazz got up stiffly.

"THE SKUNK IS STILL EATING YOUR SOCKS!" Daphne screeched again.

"JUST DON'T DROP ANOTHER CAR ON ME! GOT THAT, KAI? NO MORE FREAKIN CARS!!!"

_NO ONE BUT ZANE IS ALLOWED TO CALL ME KAI, CHAZZY!_

"Oh crap," Chazz whimpered. "When _she_ calls me Chazzy, it's always bad…"

Kaiseress dropped her grandmother's camper-truck-thing on him.

_YAY! DROPPING HEAVY OBJECTS ON CHAZZ IS FUNNY! AND NO COMPLAINING, CHAZZ! IT'S NOT A CAR; IT'S A CAMPER!_

"Can I help with inflicting pain on Chazz?" Zane muttered.

_YES!_

"Joy," he said. "May I make a suggestion?"

_YES AGAIN!_

"I'm in _pain_," Chazz complained.

"I say take a leaf out of Smith's book and make him without a mouth," Zane said. "He'd shut up, which is more than he'll ever do with one."

_GOOD PLAN!_ Kaiseress took Zane's suggestion. Chazz squealed like a little girl until he was no longer able to speak.

"Thank you," Zane said.

_NO PROBLEM! WHO WANTS PIE? I LIKE PIE._

"Here, here," everyone said, even Chazz, as Kaiseress had decided not to punish him any more than he had already been punished.

But she did leave the skunk in his suitcase eating his socks.

End Chapter

Oh, yeah, I'm on _something_ all right. Not sure what, but I'll get back to you if I find out. Oh, and the Smith I was referring to is the Smith from The Matrix. _Agent_ Smith, in other words. See you next time if you review. 5 at least: my policy, you know. It might take a week or so anyway, but maybe longer; I'm lazy, you know…sorry. This might be ending soon anyway; I wanna start other GX trips and stuff. After that, I'll have a few other weird things. Don't expect them up soon, though; this is a series of GX doing strange things. Suggest something if you want. Review or no update and Daphne shall eat you! I shall watch and laugh maniacally.


	6. Explosions and Cute Little Animals

I have just figured out that I am not, in fact, high or stoned or anything of the sort. Nor, my good friends, am I drunk. How, then, did I come up with this random collection of insanity? I HAVE NO FREAKIN' CLUE. To my reviewers:

**SharinganWarriorTribute:** oh hi Rocky. I hope you like this one

**umichi:** problem? Yikes…

**Anime Maniac 10:** are you saying I shouldn't have written that particular word? I've seen a lot of rated T stuff w/ a lot more f-bombs than this.

Chapter 6 

A cute little furry thing with black and white fur stared up at Chazz with beautiful, soulful eyes…

Oh my GOD, what's wrong with me? That's no way to start a humor fic's chapter! Just read the rest.

A cute little furry thing with black and white fur and soulful eyes attempted to remove Chazz's nose.

Chazz, being Chazz, screamed bloody murder. And, lord help us, the world is ending, Zane laughed at him. I edged away from the elder Truesdale slowly.

"Zane…are you okay?" I asked cautiously.

"Perfect, why do you ask?"

"You're laughing."

"So is everyone else," he pointed out. They were; Chazz not included, of course. The skunk was still attached firmly to his nose.

"So? Chazz has been being attacked by cute little animals since chapter 2, I think, and you weren't laughing then…"

"HAS ANYONE SEEN MY CLOTHES?" Atticus yelled, clad in a toga made of a towel.

"NO, YOU PERV! WHY WOULD ANYONE HAVE?" Alexis screamed back. "DID YOU CHECK YOUR SUITCASE?"

"No." Alexis sweatdropped. Atticus ran back to his tent.

"FOUND 'EM!!!!!" I facepalmed. So did everyone else, including Chazz, who now sported both skunk and squirrel, the latter once again attempting to nest in his hair.

"So, as I was about to say…" Zane began, "I was a little busy attempting to escape the idiocy at the time, but as I have realized that there is no escape until this insane trip is over, I have decided that laughing at Chazz's pain is the most productive way to spend my time."

"Oookaay," I said.

"Zane. Zane. Zane. Zane." Atticus said repeatedly. Zane ignored him. "_Zane_. ZANE. _ZANE!!!!!_" This continued for a good ten minutes.

"WHAT!?" Zane screamed finally.

"Why is Chazz pink?"

Chazz was not pink. Zane looked like he might kill something.

"Atticus…" he said dangerously. "Just how much of Alexis's nail polish did you eat?"

"Five bottles," Atticus said innocently. "Why?" Zane's eye twitched.

"Alexis! Where is the happy jacket!?" Zane yelled.

"In my suitcase! Why?"

"Atticus ate five bottles of nail polish!"

"OH MY GOD!!!!!" Alexis screeched. She dashed over to her tent, a few explosions were heard, and she then emerged with straightjacket in hand. "Got it!"

After a few minutes of chasing the drunk-on-nail-polish idiot, Alexis managed to trap him in the straightjacket, at which point he decided that it was time to run into a tree.

A can of pink paint fell from the sky on Chazz's head, concussing both squirrel and Chazz. And turning them a lovely shade of bubblegum pink. Somehow, the skunk had managed to avoid this fate and stood a few feet off, staring somewhat stupidly at the pink things.

"Bunnies…" Chazz said dazedly. "DEATH TO CARROTS! GET ME AN ARMY OF THE FURRY RASCALS IF YOU MUST, BUT DEATH TO THE CARROTS!!!!"

I blinked. _What? Death to carrots? You've got to be kidding me; this is weird even for _Chazz_. Why carrots?_

"Chazz hates carrots," Jaden said, somehow having snuck up directly behind me. I jumped.

"GAH! Jaden. Hello," I said awkwardly. "Ummm…how do you know this?"

"He freaked out in the forest once while we were looking for Banner, and started yelling 'I don't like carrots' or something like that…"

"Oh yeah!" Syrus said. "I was there too! And Chumley was there, but he's not here because he got food poisoning."

"Okay…I assume Chazz hates pink too, right?" I asked.

"What goth-emo-whatever-he-is does?"

"Hey!" I cried. "Don't you dare go Goth-bashing! Chazz-bashing, maybe, but lay off us Goths!"

"You're a Goth?" Syrus asked confoozledly. The look on his face of pure bafflement (this is actually a word) was priceless and adorable.

"You didn't know that? Weird, I thought Zane would have told you…"

Syrus gave me a weird look.

"Since _when_ does _Zane_ tell me anything?"

"Oh right," I realized. "Sorry. And you were right about the pink thing." I shuddered theatrically. "Hate it. Chazz's new hue has blinded me." I winked. "Got a mirror on you, kiddo?"

"Don't ever call me that again and you can keep it."

"Deal," I said. "Hey! Chazz! Come over here for a minute!" He slowly picked himself up and staggered over to Syrus and me. "Look in the mirror." He glanced into it.

And screamed loud enough that the poor squirrel squealed and jumped off his head into a bush.

And then it came back with a hoard of chipmunks and squirrels and hedgehogs and a badger with a squeegee (don't ask).

Which all decided that it was "Attack the Loud Pink Human" day.

The original squirrel, whose name was Floofletoadwithicecreamiluvjimmy, and who was still pink, whipped out a rapier (which was actually a toothpick) and stabbed Chazz's foot with it. Floofletoad then squeaked an order to his army of cute fuzzy things and the squeegee-armed badger promptly knocked Chazz over and sat on his head.

"What's with the forest animals and attacking Chazz?" Alexis asked.

"I don't know, but it's funny!" Daphne said. "Popcorn?" she asked, offering a trashcan-sized bucket of the stuff. "I know he's my boyfriend and I _should_ be trying to save him, but this is more fun, and I like Kurama better anyway."

"Okay…" Alexis said. "Don't know him, but popcorn sounds good." She dug her hand into the popcorn bucket.

"I don't know about the popcorn, but the show, at least, is interesting," said Zane. A chipmunk attempted to jump on him, but it froze in midair and fell to the ground, twitching.

"Uhh, Zane?" I asked. "What did you just do to the chipmunk?"

"Death glare," he said dismissively.

"Nice," I complimented. "Does it do that to fangirls?"

"Oh please, that was only a _sixteenth _of what this can do. A fangirl? Full power? I'd incinerate it."

"Please do, then; there's a Mary-Sue right behind you." Zane whipped around.

It was a fantastic (in this context meaning sickening) specimen of a Sue, with bright pink and purple hair down to her knees and literally sparkling eyes that kept changing color from green to blue to purple to red and over in that cycle. She looked like she had stuffed a triple-D size bra, and she was wearing a low-cut belly shirt, a miniskirt that made the Duel Academy girl's uniform look like a Catholic school's dress code, and thigh-length bright pink six-inch platform boots.

Chazz had a nosebleed. Alexis and Daphne both smacked him very hard in the head.

"Chazz, you idiot, that's a Sue!" Daphne hissed. "I might be able to watch cute little forest animals attempt your murder, but I _will not_ let you fall prey to the evils of the perfect little whore."

"Shall I?" Zane asked, twitching slightly. "It's looking at me."

"Oh please do," I said. "By all means, kill it."

"Hi guys!" the Sue said perkily. "I'm Diamond, and I'm the Duel Monsters champion of every country I've ever been to! I have an IQ of five billion forty-three! I'm an only child and both my parents died in a tragic accident involving the Shadow Realm after leaving me their legendary cards, the Diamond Dragons! So my evil long-lost aunt who was actually the queen of the Shadows raised me! I'm also the Chosen One who can break the spell that keeps me from destroying my aunt's evil powers by falling in love with and marrying a great warrior champion! My parents said that my eyes will glow pink and my hair will turn red when I meet him!" Her eyes kept flashing pink and her hair was starting to fade to red as she looked at Zane.

Zane was not happy about this.

The Sue exploded.

"Wow," I said as it rained Sue-blood. "Didn't you say incinerate before?"

"I was in a bad mood," Zane said flatly. "Incineration doesn't have enough gore in it, and I REALLY like gore when it comes to Sues."

"Oookaay…" Atticus said. "Gore…didn't know that was your thing, Zane."

"Weren't you listening? It. Was. A. Sue. I was in a bad mood. Bloody demise of the Sue was more fun. Especially since I think it was hitting on me…"

"Yeah, it definitely was. I like your approach, Zane. Nice touch with the fountain of blood," Daphne commented.

"I thought that might be a good idea. I just_ REALLY _wanted to kill it."

End Chapter 

Well, it's longer than usual, and it has the death of a mary-sue, the most evil creature in fanfiction. Review please. And tell me if you want more sue-death or for this one to come back and blow up again.


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